I turned a corner...

Guys, I'm just coming out of an infatuation recovery phase, and it's not cool...

Let me explain.

For this to make sense, you have to understand that I generally have the emotional range of a pineapple. A coworker once called me "Queen Stoic," which is a scarily accurate description. It takes a lot to get me excited (although generally anything Disney will do it) and it takes even more to make me angry. (Although once I'm angry I'll remember it forever and get angry all over again when I think about it — stupid girl who made the disgusting claims about American soldiers in Iraq or nutty BYU professor who wouldn't stop emailing me...)

So basically, my emotions are flatlined most of the time, like this:

(Unless I'm driving, in which case I generally look like this:)

Of course, my road rage is an entirely different story...

But then sometimes, unexpectedly and unavoidably, I get infatuated. When that happens, my emotions start going like this:

Those, folks, are a whole lot of emotions for someone who was quite possibly born without them.

Like I've mentioned before (here) I tend to get obsessed with things. Over the past couple of months I've been obsessed with the TV shows "Top Gear" and "Primeval," along with a movie too embarrassing to name. I also went through a brief bracelet phase for some reason, and I'm on the verge of falling into a steampunk/industrial chic phase. (Although "The Guild" is helping me stay on the straight and narrow... must... avoid... the Eurotrash of nerdom...)

Anyway, you'd think with my habit of obsessing, infatuations would be par for the course. Unfortunately, that's not true. I can count maybe five times I've been infatuated over the last five years, and most of those lasted about a week. This infatuation lasted almost an entire month, which is a big deal. When it comes to relationships, it turns out I have the attention span of

 SQUIRREL!

Ahem.

Like I was saying, I spent the better part of September being infatuated. It doesn't matter with whom (although a couple of you will know) it just matters that I was. That happened. And it was glorious while it lasted. You see, I embrace being infatuated because there's a huge gap between the imaginary relationship and the factual reality. From a safe distance, I could imagine the guy was perfect. In my mind, the object of my infatuation wasn't creepily obsessed (P), wasn't controlling (H), didn't insist on touching me all. of. the. time. (CC) and didn't think that my life's ambition was to cook him dinner and wash his socks (J).

(Gee. When I look at the boys I've dated in such black-and-white terms... well, no wonder I prefer to be infatuated from afar... Bunch of winners, there...)

After all, like Marguerite says in "The Scarlet Pimpernel,"

"Ah, but my prince, if you can't be as sweet as you seem
I'd rather dream." 

After the infatuation ended (out of necessity, not because I was ready for it to happen, I assure you) I decided that — as depressing as the post-infatuation period is — the weird emotional swings associated with my silly infatuations are worth it. Why? Because infatuations are fun! Like one of my friends said, my infatuations (as odd as they tend to be) are good because they allow me to feel real, human emotions once in a while.

When you're infatuated with somebody, suddenly life becomes more exciting. In my case, it gave me excuses to dress up, to curl my hair, and to feel my heart give that “thump-thump” people write about in cheesy romance novels. I spent more time downtown in the vague hope that there would be a chance meeting. There was always that sense of anticipation — of hope, of wondering — if the next corner I turned could lead me straight into his arms. It was an eternal quest for an orchestrated “meet-cute,” and it was a blast.

I’ll admit, there’s a reason my favorite Beatles song begins like this… 

I’ve just seen a face, 

I can’t forget the time or place

Where we just met, she’s just the girl for me

And I want all the world to see we’ve met 

Na na na na na na 

And there’s a reason my favorite song from “Thoroughly Modern Millie” happens to include… 

Thousands of people

Way down below

Wandering to and fro 

Tireless people

No time to lose

Crowding the avenues and parks 

On their marks

Racing fast; quite a cast

Millions of people, pick any two 

They could be just like 

You and me used to be

Way back when, strangers, then – 

I turned the corner

And there you stood

Your smile like home to me 

Your heart familiar

No use pretending, not that I could

I turned the corner when I met you 

You see, somewhere deep down in this cold, hard heart of mine, I’m 100% a romantic. (Albeit a cynical and therefore confused one, of course.) I find the whole concept of love fascinating — possibly because I’ve seen so many of my friends get married off. (Dang friends.) Think about it — we spend our whole lives waiting to fall in love. And then, unexpectedly, with one chance meeting, one cheerful conversation, or one enjoyable date, your life can be turned upside down. Now that's power.

Infatuation's not quite that powerful, but I suppose it could be considered a warm-up. Although...

It would probably be more powerful if I were actually brave enough to say hello to the target. Hmmm.