This is Gallifrey

The other day, my roommate tried to start a Time War.

No, not this kind of Time War:

This kind of Time War:

"I am the busiest person in this house."

Cue my rage machine!

I've always hated comparisons of busyness. In the busyness battle, there never is an actual winner — just lots and lots of ticked off people and self-pitying bemoaning.

I used to be the worst at Time War-ing. I'm not better now, but I'm trying.

As a junior in high school, I remember coming to drill team practice at 6 a.m. and hearing one of the senior captains say, "I'm sorry I couldn't get thus-and-so done. I was just SO busy. I'm SO busy all the time!"

Then, a few sentences later, she said, "I watched three hours of Fresh Prince of Bel Air yesterday."

And I went, "WAIT A SECOND! YOU'RE NOT BUSY!"

Then my judging kicked in.

I used to get so annoyed by people who complained about being busy, because I was totally convinced that nobody (NOBODY!) was as busy as I was.

"I was busy last night."

"Oh yeah?! Well, are you taking ballet lessons and doing drill team and taking ballroom lessons and fulfilling church callings and running the school newspaper and writing a weekly newspaper column and blah, blah, blah…"

I had a note on my door (stolen from my friend Angeline) that had a picture of a girl with her head on her desk. It said, "Think you're stressed? Call me. You can have some of mine."

Remembering that picture totally makes me blush now. My parents — running a business, raising six kids, and working multiple jobs — must've rightly thought I was an idiot.

At some point in high school, though, I realized something:

It's not that any of us are NOT busy — it's that our definitions of the word vary.

One of my friend's older brothers taught me this, without even knowing it. He would always (ALWAYS!) talk about how busy he was. He wasn't whining (which would've ticked me off); he was just saying, "I am busy." To me, though, he didn't look busy. It was then that I realized we're all working under different definitions of the same word.

We are all born with and develop busyness or stress thresholds, and what seems busy to one of us definitely might not seem busy to someone else.

I don't reach my definition of "busy" very often. Right now I'm working 40 hours a week and taking 9 credits in grad school. That's not busy.

My last semester of college in 2010, I was working 30 hours a week for the school, 10-20 hours of week doing freelance design, taking 18 credits, trying to finish the capstone classes for 3 different majors, and preparing to speak at graduation. That was busy.

I was busy last week. One midterm, six+ school assignments, 40+ hours of work, visits with my darling Kenna and my delightful Hobie, a date, trying to finish two sculptures in time for an art show, and planning a class for a Cub Scout leader pow-wow.

Got 'em both done, by the way. Bam.

I was busy in mid-December, when I was finishing 15 credits worth of classes for my first semester of grad school, working 40-60 hours a week, and trying to get presents ready for Christmas.

But guess what?

Other people were, are, and always will be busier.

I whined about being busy to a med student in my ward and he shut me down with "I work 80 hours a week." (Saving lives, I might add. That trumps any of my busyness.)

I whined to my Mom about being busy and she (could've but didn't, bless her) said, "Yes, well, I'm working 40 hours a week, being a mom, and planning the ENTIRE Cub Scout pow-wow.

I whine about working more than 40 hours a week to my boss, and then remember that he gets here about the same time I do, leaves 2-3 hours later, and is on-call all the time.

Maybe my roommate is the busiest person in the house. Maybe she's not.

I think she's not busy because she goes to get her hair done, goes out to eat, goes clubbing, and goes to the gym.

She probably thinks I'm not busy because I play with clay and I'm making a bunch of puppets for the Festival of Trees in November.

We both work and we both go to school.

Are we both busy?

Probably.

It's subjective.

Whenever someone tries to start a Time War (or whenever I mentally try to start one myself) I have to tell myself to (A) calm down, and (B) step back. I don't always succeed, but I do try.

Once you start a Time War, there's probably no stopping it.

And even if (miraculously) it does stop, is there ever really a Time War winner?

I'm thinking no.

P.S. If you don't know where the title comes from, you should probably listen to this. You're welcome:

Jackie according to the Internet

When I was working as a journalist in D.C., I got to meet one of the guys who invented the Internet.

Al Gore

No, not THAT guy. (Political humor, har-dee-har-har.) I met one of the guys who ACTUALLY invented the Internet. It was pretty cool.

Anyway, so I've been thinking about the Internet and how it has changed our lives forever. That may lead you to believe that I'll be going on a serious, philosophical tangent with this blog post...

NOT! Hahahaha!

Setting aside all the practical uses of the Internet, this post is about one specific Internet phenomenon: personality quizzes. Don't pretend you've never taken them...

How did we ever know who we really were before the Internet was invented to tell us?!

So here it is — many silly quizzes and videos later — Jackie according to the Internet.

How many of these quizzes and their accompanying descriptions are accurate in any way?

You may never know...

 What Disney princess are you?

In all the times I've been suckered into taking one of these quizzes, I've always been Belle. (You know — loner, nerdy, bookworm, etc.) Not this time, however. The official Disney quiz has declared that I am ... Cinderella!

Remember this pose, Shannen? What are the odds?!

Supposedly I share many admirable qualities with the beautiful Cinderella; clever, loyal, and hard-working. "Kindness is your number one priority even when others aren't so nice or situations test your good nature ... You and Cinderella are sweet, determined, hopeful, and never question that someday your dreams will come true — and no one deserves it more!"

Of course, the fact that I supposedly share all these virtues with Cinderella makes it all the more amusing that my purported evil Disney alter ego is... Lady Tremaine!

I see the resemblance...

The quiz didn't actually tell me why, but it did say that I help kids learn to love their birth parents as a way to avoid stepparents. I guess that's good? Would that make me an evil hero?

Anyway...

Since my current obsession is Robin Hood (Errol Flynn, etc. Although, the one with Papyrus in the opening credits? I turned that one off....) I figured I'd better take a quiz based on the BBC series. And it said I am ... Will Scarlett!

"The gang's chief engineer whose brilliant designs are key to many a Robin Hood plan. You are a hard worker, quiet and shy, and often the voice of reason. You are committed and hopeful, and you desperately want to put the world back together as it was."

Since I'm a longtime Will Scarlett fan, that's totally cool with me. Besides, who wouldn't want to be compared to someone with those eyebrows?

Continuing on the Robin Hood vein, to truly discover Jackie we should look to other literature quizzes...

My quiz tells me I'm a born leader and a good fighter. Who knew?! It also said "you are the one usually put in charge of things and you aren't afraid to do it."

I guess if you want to talk about people who aren't afraid to be independent, the quintessential classical character would be a certain lady who is well known to all Jane Austen fans...

The quiz describes Elizabeth Bennet as representative of "what most women would like to become: strong, independent, and loyal." Of course, the quiz won't let those compliments go to my head, as it points out that I also have a "stubborn will of iron and a clinging to first impressions."

Hmmm...

Now, not that I've taken many a sorting quiz in my 24 years on Earth, but needless to say, the results this time around were surprising. Could it be that I've changed from being a persistent Ravenclaw to... dare I say it... Hufflepuff?!

Sure, being "loyal, dependable, and hardworking" are good things, but seriously... Hufflepuff? Ah well, it's nice to know at least one Harry Potter thing will never change...

Being "book smart, moral, and cool under pressure" is great, but my favorite part of this description was when it said, "You're way more mature than those around you, and you always seem to know what's best."

That's right. Listen to my genius.

Of course, that sentence right there also feeds into the fact that I'm apparently the first Doctor — "grumpy, proud, but really just an old softy."

And because I'm like the first Doctor, it seems "intelligence is no barrier" to me. 

(Or, as the quiz itself says, "inteliegence is no barrier." Ah, the Internet...)

In the Star Wars-verse I'm supposedly R2-D2. Why? Because apparently what I lack in height and communication skills, I make up for in industriousness, technical know-how and being there when others need me most.

Curse this all-knowing Internet! Making fun of my lack of height...

Now, how the Internet could tell me that I'm Princess Peach from "Mario" and Mal Reynolds from "Firefly" is a little baffling, but whatevs. Naturally the clash of being a "beautiful princess with not a bad bone in your body" and the "my way or the highway" shoot-first-ask-later Mal are smoothed over somehow. Internet tests couldn't possibly be wrong...

In terms of things that I can't change, apparently being born in October means that I'm a clairvoyant nature lover, a born leader, amiable (eh?!), more emotional than practical (no, seriously, eh?!), totally independent, clever, dedicated, and hard working. Having blue eyes means I'm very attractive, adorable, and I love to make new friends.

(Okay, I'm starting to think the Internet doesn't know me at all...)

In the only scientific-ish test I took, it appears my real age is not 24, but is rather 8. The test isn't saying that I'm immature — it's saying that I'm healthy. So if I started exercising, do you think I could get the number below zero? Could my so-called "virtual age" actually be dead? Hmmm...

If the Internet hasn't given you a clear picture of who I really am, I'll also bow to the comparison skills of my long-time college roommate Shannen. Throughout our college experience she compared to me numerous people from TV shows. For some reason they were often large black men, but maybe I just give off that vibe...

Jackie according to Shannen:

Emerson Cod from "Pushing Daisies"

Stanley from "The Office"

House from (naturally) "House"

And last (but never least) Kat Warbler from "The Class"

I've also gotten some Sue Sylvester from "Glee" comparisons, but who knows why...

To sum it up: Jackie according to the Internet is kind, sweet, determined, hopeful, evil, quiet, shy, the voice of reason, a born leader, a good fighter, strong, independent, loyal, stubborn, book smart, moral, mature, grumpy, proud, "inteliegent," short, industrious, good natured, eight, clairvoyant, amiable, emotional, clever, adorable, and friendly, with touches of Emerson, Stanley, House, Kat, and Sue.

 The one unifying factor in Internet personality quizzes is that they somehow end up making us feel complimented. That's probably why we take them — they make us feel good about ourselves. But do they really tell us who we are?

Probably not.

So, in a world of Internet quizzes, pop culture, and TV comparisons, my own description of what I'm really like — according to me, and no one else — can be summed up in one word:

Joel.

An emotional void, dry, and long-suffering...

Which, Shannen, makes you either Tom Servo or Crow...

In which my obsessions make me look like a weirdy

I  measure my life by obsessions. 

That may not be the proper word, actually. It might be more truthful to say that I go through "phases." I can trace my entire life history through a diverse mix of fixations, or hobbies, or passions, or whatever you want to call them. While I'd like to say that periods of obsession make me a better person, the truth is, they really just make me look like a freak.

But a well-rounded freak, all the same...

The first identifiable period of obsession started when I was five or six. I became fixated with the idea of having long, dark hair. Since I'm naturally a blonde, that was a problem. I also sported a pixie/Peter Pan-type hairstyle when I was little, which made long dark hair even more of a problem. Impossibilities never stopped me though. I remember taking long pieces of dark fabric and clipping them to my hair. I tried to style my crushed velvet "hair" like Princess Jasmine and I pretended I was Tina from that old TV show "Ghostwriter." 

The hair dream naturally segued me into my next period of obsession... Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Trini had long, dark hair, see? It makes sense. I actually revisited this obsession back in 2009, which was pretty hilarious. The 1993 obsession meant that I spent my childhood doing a lot of karate kicks, convincing my brothers to "play Power Rangers" and having save-the-world delusions of grandeur. The 2009  obsession meant that I watched all the episodes on YouTube and made the theme song my ringtone. Ah, how times change...

Other obsessions followed, but those were the biggies for my early years. I went through a Bobbsey Twins phase, and then a Sweet Valley twins obsession. I was convinced for a while that my best friend and I were twins who had been separated at birth. (What? It made sense to a second grader — her birthday was four days before mine. It could have been a really, really prolonged labor, right?) I never could quite work out whose parents were lying about the situation, though, so eventually I gave up on that theory. I read all the Baby-sitter's Club books and all of the Boxcar Children books too, which I guess could count as an obsession.

Third grade might have been the most significant year of my life, because that was when my love of history became truly solidified. I blame third grade for my almost-useless bachelor's degree. Most third graders didn't obsess about pioneers and Indians, but I did. 

Utah history was the best thing ever. I made my brothers dress up like pioneers for Halloween. I read all of the Laura Ingalls Wilder books repeatedly. I wore pioneer dresses and stood outside in the weeds, because that was the sort of thing pioneers did. I wrote plays about pioneers and Indians and tried to get my dad to build me a pioneer playhouse. My favorite American Girl was Kirsten the pioneer — until I realized her name was Kirsten and not KRisten. K-ear-sten? Gross.

Many of my obsessions were built around books. "Ella Enchanted" launched a brief (but ecstatic) castle/prince/princess phase. The "Prelude to Glory" series taught me more about the American Revolution than any (and all) of my history classes combined. My American Revolution phase is why I'm naming one of my future sons Ethan. The Green Mountain Boys rock. General Arthur St. Claire became my buddy, James Madison my hero, and Friedrich Wilhelm Augustus von Steuben my Prussian rock star. A book about Anastasia launched my sixth grade czar obsession. Another book about the Titanic led to massive amounts of Titanic research.

When "The Phantom Menace" came out, I went on a hardcore Star Wars binge. I collected all the action figures, learned the names of every Jedi who ever saw even a second of screen time, and attempted to send George Lucas costume sketches for Queen Amidala. (Did you know you need zip codes to send stuff? Huh.) Since I was deeply against the Amidala/Anakin romance (it was an age difference thing) I formulated my own storyline where there wasn't a gross age gap. (What do they call Cougars in outer space anyway?) My Star Wars phase prompted me to write my first book, for which I'll always be grateful. Once I realized the new movies were terrible, I turned to the originals and learned everything from Wedge's backstory to Mon Mothma's name. (Let's face it — who else knows that?) While everyone else swooned over Hayden Christensen's uber-dull Anakin, I became an Adi Gallia fan. Super nerd alert.

My 9th/10th grade obsession was Josh Groban. My friends will remember this period — it was a doozy. I stalked him obsessively online, recorded his website sample songs from the speakers of my computer, perused his fan boards for news of his doings, pretended to like dark chocolate (like him) and began to claim that the type of car he drove was my favorite type too. (It's not, although it is one of the few types of cars I can now identify.) Josh was my first concert, which is supposedly a big milestone in a person's life. I still think he's got amazing talent, but now I'm not too blinded by his loveliness to ignore the fact that his vibrato is a tad annoying. If I ever ran into him on the street, I like to think that I'd tell him that instead of asking for an autograph...But it's totally not true...

When I went to college my roommates got sucked into my whirlwind obsessions. They endured the extended musical theater period (courtesy of a certain missionary — you know who you are). They joined me for the junior year Beatles phase, which included multiple viewings of the odd-yet-amusing "Help!" and "A Hard Day's Night." I'll never be able to hear the song, "And Your Bird Can Sing" without giggling hysterically, thanks to an outtake from the Anthology 2 album.

The roommates just laughed at me through the Tom Clancy period, but they laughed at me even more for the Kennedy period — not JFK, but RFK. I read biographies for fun and watched "Thirteen Days" repeatedly. Naturally, that led to a Stephen Culp phase, where I searched online for the few episodes of JAG where his character appeared. I emerged from this whole period with a big appreciation for Robert Kennedy, but he's the only one...

And finally, thanks to my roommate, I joined the Doctor Whoniverse right before finals on my second-to-last semester in college. It was terrible timing, but David Tennant was worth every stressful second.

There's really no rhyme or reason to the madness. One day I'll see something that tickles my fancy, and then it's all downhill from there. I'll run the obsession ragged until there's nothing left for it give, and then I'll move on. Since January of this year I've gone through a Regency England period, complete with the BBC movies, the proper music, and new book purchases. From there it swung abruptly into a "Firefly" period, where I ended up with the DVD set and spent hours watching YouTube cast appearances at nerd conventions. From there it morphed into a Disney Channel stint (shameful, I know.) (Not "Hannah Montana" or anything, but "Jonas" and "Hatching Pete" do have their charms.)

And finally, for the time being, I've landed on the movie "Taking 5" and, courtesy of the film, the band "The Click Five." The old group, not the new one so much.

Eric Dill or Joey Zehr, next time we visit my grandparents and then go to Cedar Point, consider yourselves invited to come along.

Unless, of course, I'm obsessing about something else at that point... And the odds are not in your favor.

Addendum: Silly me, I completely forgot to mention my Care Bears phase (lots of eBay purchases) my Lord of the Rings phase (a full Galadriel costume, anyone?) my Doris Day phase (which naturally led to a Gordon MacRae phase) and my multiple Scarlet Pimpernel phases (They seek him here, They seek him there...)