Showing posts with label pageants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pageants. Show all posts

The Hunger Games: Step away from the pizza

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It started with the reaping.

The youth of the district stood nervously, waiting for the elaborately dressed and coiffed master of ceremonies to utter the fateful words that would change the life of one teen forever. Some waited in edgy silence, hoping beyond hope that their names would not be called. Others, who had been training for the honor of becoming a tribute since childhood, stood confidently, masking their excitement behind their calm exterior.

Finally, the emcee took the stage and read off the name of the person who would represent the district at the Capitol.

For the girl who was chosen, life turned upside down almost immediately.

As soon as the tribute was named, a mentor was there to offer a helping hand, ready to train and assist through each aspect of the competition. Other helpers emerged too, ready to aid with clothing, hair, and appearance. Makeovers, waxing, shaving, dyeing, exercising, training—the tribute was put through the wringer in preparation for the impending fight-to-the-death event.

Too soon, the tributes from each district were headed to the Capitol.

After their arrival at the Capitol, the tributes were whisked off to the opening parade. Each tribute put on a costume representing her district and rode past a cheering crowd, smiling and waving all the while. Costumes were themed with the local industries of each district and depicted things like agriculture, fishing, mining, and technology.

Even before the official games began, each moment the tributes spent together became one of competition. Every move or word was analyzed for strengths, areas of danger, and potential weaknesses to exploit. On the face, the tributes liked each other. Underneath, however, each harbored a fierce willingness to take down anybody who stood in their way.

Walking over the bodies of their vanquished foes was no big deal.

All of them could — and would — do it gracefully.

The parade offered the public a chance to meet the tributes, but morning training sessions at the Capitol allowed the tributes a chance to get to know each other. During the training, each focused on building and showing off the talents they would use once they took to the field of battle. Some gave the training their all, putting their hearts and souls into their performances in hopes of impressing those around them. Others played more strategically, keeping their talents concealed and giving half-efforts when they knew people were watching. The intention, for those tributes, was to lull their opponents into a false sense of security before unleashing their full abilities once the true competition began. It was a game where no one could be trusted, because everyone hid secrets.

As training sessions at the Capitol concluded, each tribute met with the judges and tried to convince the panel to award them high scores. Tributes told funny stories. They made the judges laugh. They made the judges cry. They showed off unique talents. They said and did anything necessary to stand out from the crowd. Some succeeded. Some did not.

Later, the tributes took to the Capitol stage to similarly try to woo the crowd. Each word they said, each joke they cracked, and each smile they flashed was intended to gain them fans and adoration. Having a crowd of admirers in your corner meant gifts, cheers, and support.

But mostly gifts.

Gifts delivered nightly, coming to the tributes like silver parachutes from heaven and often accompanied by notes of encouragement and instructions for battle, could save a girl's life.

The battle at the Capitol was, in the end, a battle of attrition and a fight to the death. Who could survive each challenge? Who could withstand the arrows and slings of their fellow tributes? Who allied with whom, and for what purpose? Who was in the game just to survive, and who was playing to win?

In the end, only one tribute could come out on top.

Only one tribute could be crowned.

Only one tribute could walk to the center of the stage at Capitol Theatre and claim the title of Miss Utah.




Wait….

What did you think I was talking about?


When William Joseph met The Slasher

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I recently drove 167 miles to go to a concert.

(Well, I was supposed to drive, but once my intended passenger discovered my car doesn't have an air conditioner, I became the passenger and we drove her car, but that's beside the point…)

When your hometown offers a free concert by William Joseph (read: FREE and WILLIAM JOSEPH), it's worth driving 334 miles to attend. Some things just have to be done.


I first fell in love with William Joseph way, waaaaaay back when I was in my "I'm going to marry Josh Groban" phase. William Joseph is a pianist who signed with David Foster and subsequently opened for Josh on tour. Josh must've written about William on his website, and if Josh was a fan, I was a fan.

A few years later, I got to see William Joseph perform at Women's Conference at BYU and was blown away. (Have you ever seen a pianist's fingers move so fast that they turn into a solid blur? I have…)

But my favorite William Joseph memory doesn’t involve William Joseph at all.

No, my favorite memory involves a pageant and a girl my family lovingly calls "The Slasher."

*I shan't tell who The Slasher is (I mean, I could, but I won't), so you'll have to be content with just the story.*

A couple of years ago I was competing at the Miss Utah pageant. Pageants are a funny business. Contestants may say they want to be friends and that they don't care about the title, but the second you put a sparkly crown in front of them, they'll start fighting like… well… girls.

Basically that means they'll start trying to undermine each other's confidence.

One of the best examples of this (which I didn't see, fortunately) happened a few years before I got involved in pageants. A girl decided that the best way to scare the other girls was to show off her perfect bikini-ready body. Naturally, the most convenient way to do this was to walk around naked.

Girls will do things like exaggerate their accomplishments, claim credit for passing laws in the legislature, get into fundraising wars, and (my favorite) brag about their shoe size during getting-to-know-you games.

Me: "What's something we have in common? Oh! What size of shoe do you wear?"
Girl: "Haha. We definitely won't have the same shoe size."
Me: "What's yours?"
Girl: "I wear a three in children's shoes."
Me: "What size is that in adult?"
Girl: "Five"
Me: "Huh. Me too. Sign the paper."

(True story. And she was ticked.)

Anyway, The Slasher was a master at the intimidation game. She would stalk around like a black widow, pretending to be nice, but secretly eating girls when nobody else was looking.

(Okay, slight exaggeration.)

This year, though, The Slasher decided that the best way to intimidate the other girls was to claim that she had personally written her talent number. The Slasher played the piano, and she spent ages bragging about how amazing her piece was. When her talent rehearsal day came, everyone in the audience waited, ready to be stunned by the astonishing, mind-blowing music she had written all by herself.

(Disclaimer: I WISH I could remember for sure what song it was. I couldn't find my Miss Utah DVD to double check, but I'm 99% positive I've got it right… Just pretend it's the right song, because it probably is.)

She sat down to play, and this is what I heard:



This is what I did:

"Hey, wait a minute."

See, I knew that song. I knew who wrote the particular arrangement. And I knew it wasn't The Slasher.

What's a girl to do with knowledge like that? Hmmmm…

After The Slasher ran through her talent number and went to sit in the audience in order to soak up the praise from her many admirers ("I can't believe you wrote that! It was amazing!"), I might've…  maybe...  purposely worked my way to her side and said this rather loudly:

Me: "That was a William Joseph piece, wasn't it? From his Within album? He's an amazing pianist."

*crickets*

The Slasher: "Um…well… But… I mean… I reworked it a lot… I had to cut it down…"

Me: "Riiiiiight… Well, see you later!"

BAM. 
INTIMIDATION WAR WON

Thanks William.


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